この歌詞の英語はぎこちないと感じますか？
自然な英語ですか？

Your breath blows my hair in this crowded space
It stinks all the time because you're older

You smoke everytime
You will be critically ill
I wish you live longer longer

Work hard all day long
You must take a rest
Feeling, want to cry
Lost your honor

Mom always read it to me and go to sleep early
Need to remember over and over

We can live forever
We just live forever
We can sleep forever
We just sleep forever

Work hard all day long
You must take a rest
Feeling, want to cry
Lost your honor