【英検1級・準1級】英作文を添削し合うスレ

2018/11/30(金) 01:56:24.90

なかったので立てました。

主旨
作文の練習と添削の練習。

作文が好きな人や苦手な人も切磋琢磨していきましょう！
・お題(Topic)もつけて投稿しましょう。
・スペルチェックは最低限やりましょう。
・自信がない人は日本語訳もつけてもいいと思います。
・添削のお礼は忘れずに。

※ここでの添削は必ず正しいとは限りませんので注意

2020/05/09(土) 13:23:57.35

>>89
なるほどhedgeを掛けてるんだね。
https://ejje.weblio.jp/content/risk+hedge
https://ejje.weblio.jp/content/hedge+the+risk

2020/05/10(日) 14:09:35.62

“Japanese is often said to be a difficult language to learn.” と書いたらどんな意味になると思いますか？　。

2020/05/10(日) 19:24:45.44

It is said that Japanese is difficult to learn.じゃなくて？

2020/05/10(日) 20:18:14.46

>>91
日本語は習得が難しい言語と言われています
Google翻訳で
こうなった
辞書で
be said to be something /do something
であると言われている
ってなってる

個人的にはなんでto beってなるのかよく分からないけど

2020/05/10(日) 21:05:45.46

“Japanese と a difficult language to learn.”はイコール関係
つまりSとCの関係だからbe動詞は妥当。

2020/05/10(日) 21:11:59.76

骨格がJapanese is a difficult languageだと
learnの目的語がa difficult languageになって変じゃない？

Japanese is difficult to learn.なら
learnの目的語がJapaneseでいわゆるタフ構文

2020/05/10(日) 21:19:21.51

>>95
変じゃないよ。そういう書き方をするんだ。

2020/05/10(日) 21:20:36.38

This river is easy to swim in.
っていうからね。
ネイティブはinを言わないこともあるかもだけど。

2020/05/10(日) 21:34:38.39

>>97
それはeasyが形容詞だからタフ構文で正しいのはわかるよ

The Amazon is dangerous to swim in.
The Amazon is a dangerous river to swim in.

後者は正しいのかってこと。

2020/05/10(日) 22:02:30.74

意味は通じるだろうけど日本人の顔して使ったら不自然なんじゃない？

2020/05/11(月) 06:54:51.51

>>98
後者って文法的に考えると意味おかしいよね

タフ構文ってのはit is…to~構文のto以下目的語もしくは前置詞後の名詞が主語になった文

The Amazon is a dangerous river to swim in. は
It is a dangerous river to swim in the Amazon. が成り立つはずだけど、これだと意味が通じない

だからおかしい

2020/05/11(月) 12:12:37.80

基本的な意味が異なってくるのだと思う。
前者は、「アマゾンは (そこで) 泳ぐには危険である｡」、
後者は、「アマゾンは泳ぐための [泳ぐべき] 危険な川である｡」、と。
《前者の意味のつもりで後者を書いたら誤りではないかと思う｡》　　

2020/05/11(月) 22:10:46.69

添削お願いします

Should minors receive life imprisonment for serious crimes?

I think that minors should not receive life imprisonment for serious crimes.
They are still growing and can be rehabilitated. Furthermore, life imprisonment costs much money.

First, young people are still growing physically and mentally.
Research has shown that the decision-making part of the brain has not finished developing until the age of mid-20th.
This
suggests that they cannot sometimes make good decisions when they feel extremely stressed.
We should consider this point before keeping them in prisons.

Second, minors behaviors are more likely to be improved by rehabilitating.
When they commit crimes, they do not know what is immoral or will happen as a result.
This is partly because they are neglected by their parents and receive violence by adults in their daily lives.
Therefore, we should give them another chance to lead better lives.

Third, life imprisonment costs much more money in general.
It would be better for the government to invest in the educational system to make minors return to society, work hard,
and finally pay taxes as workers,
instead of keeping them in prisons for the rest of their lives.
Punishment does not necessarily mean imprisonment for long years.

For the reasons mentioned above, I do not think minors should receive life imprisonment for
serious crimes.
They should play an important role as a member of society by rehabilitating
and decent jobs.

2020/05/31(日) 22:16:11.27

>>102
上手いね
＞Research has shown that the decision-making part of the brain has not finished developing until the age of mid-20th.
Research has shown that the decision-making part of the brain keeps developing until the mid-20s.

2020/05/31(日) 22:25:20.69

＞This suggests that they cannot sometimes make good decisions when they feel extremely stressed.
This suggests that they sometimes cannot make the right decisions when they are under intense stress.

＞We should consider this point before keeping them in prisons.
上との繋がりがよくないけど、英検なら見逃してくれるような気がする

＞Second, minors behaviors are more likely to be improved by rehabilitating.
Second, minors' behaviors are more likely to be corrected through rehabilitation.

2020/05/31(日) 22:40:13.91

＞When they commit crimes, they do not know what is immoral or will happen as a result.
When they commit crimes, they do not understand what is wrong or the consequences of their actions.

＞This is partly because they are neglected by their parents and receive violence by adults in their daily lives.
This is because it is likely that in their earlier lives, many of them had been treated poorly by parents and other adults.

＞Therefore, we should give them another chance to lead better lives.
Therefore, we should give them a second chance.

あとは誰か別の人にお願いします

2020/05/31(日) 23:16:53.17

＞It would be better for the government to invest in the educational system to make minors return to society,
work hard, and finally pay taxes as workers, instead of keeping them in prisons for the rest of their lives.

It would be better for the government to invest in educating the young criminals rather than simply keeping them in prison for a lifetime.
Through education, the minors would have a chance to return to society, be hard workers, and eventually be taxpayers.

2020/05/31(日) 23:22:45.87

＞They should play an important role as a member of society by rehabilitating and decent jobs.
They should receive education to be able to play a role in society.

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (JPW 0H6b-EES7) · 2020/07/28(火) 20:28:30.99

自己作成した英検1級のスピーチの原稿です。
些細な訂正でもかまいませんので、ご指導よろしくお願いします。

Will the transformation of industrial structures driven by AI robots bring about new jobs?

I don't agree that the next transformation of industry won't create new jobs. Although it is true that every individual revolution had brought about new jobs, AI robots are not like the other inventions that replaced humans task.

First, AI robots would be creative. They can think and reason under any circumstances.
They can invent and even reprogram themselves to improve even better. There's no room human would be competitive in every aspects.

Second, Robots are made of Iron and steel with a computer that can run by electricity. Thus, they can tirelessly handle arduous tasks in the way that no humans possibly could. When they broke, engineers can fix it or they can repair themselves.

Sum this up, I think AI Robots are universally useful tools that can create new things, take care of themselves and even make another copy of themselves. The current jobs available will all disappear quickly and not a single job would be left for humans because of dexterity of AI robots.

2020/08/08(土) 23:40:16.45

Sum this up???
To sum this upじゃなくて？？

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd33-n4N+) · 2020/08/11(火) 10:36:24.01

>>109
ありがとうございます！そのとおりでした。

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd33-n4N+) · 2020/08/11(火) 10:43:03.00

日記になりますが、よろしくお願いします。

Here is why I believe English and Mandarin are my best languages;

I think my English has became fairly decent in reading none-fiction materials so I feel that it's time to move onto another language.

I will be settling on three languages with which I get to know my favorite subject, futurology and its sub-fields like cutting-edge technologies and so on.

I have carefully searched the candidates that I can use it to search about the future technologies and Mandarin was one of the candidates to serve my purpose.

There are two reasons I have chosen Mandarin.

1. China has a great number of population whom knowledge and culture I can get to learn.

2. China can potentially develop into a super giant in lieu of the U.S. in the future.

Now, the purpose of learning a foreign language differs by person to person but the advantages it brings are obvious.

Information overseas is not always available for free. Being a monolingual, You'd have only a selected collection of accessible materials which typically you have to pay for translation fee.

In fact, I have experienced the sense of privilege in which I feel joy of discovering new culture and knowledge that are otherwise inaccessible to monolinguals.

Take English wikipedia and Reddit for example, the quality and quantities they contain are far better than those of Japanese.

Fortunately, I have just noticed recently that Chinese learning materials in English are better than those written in Japanese as well because there are more people learning Chinese and more people teaching Chinese in English.

It also makes sense to learn Chinese via English as to maintain my English.

Althogh so excited, I feel dizzy as I imagine how hard it can be to improve my Chinese, from scratch to the level of proficiency with which my Chinese can serve my purpose.

2020/08/13(木) 11:35:44.79

。

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd0a-GrYW) · 2020/09/13(日) 21:21:37.19

自動運転車をテーマに自分なりに分かりやすく説明した作文です。チェックお願いします。

Self-driving car is a vehicle that can drive itself.
No human drivers are required in its operation because AI takes the steer wheel and it's a game changer for the automobile industry.

There are many challenges cost-wise and safety-wise, both of which are essential to make business sense.
The sensors are expensive and current AIs are not capable of handling every situation they come accross while driving because humans can be unpredictable.

It probably takes several decades to appreciate the full-fledged self-driving cars but auto manufacturers are planning to deploy them step by step.

The most realistic use of current, immature self-driving technologies is to apply them to interstate shipping trucks because they mostly drive on wide, straight roads and face less traffic.

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd0a-GrYW) · 2020/09/13(日) 21:26:12.59

経済とテクノロジーについての今後の懸念事項を問いかけた英作文です。こちらもよろしくお願いします。

From the economic perspective, what is the value of humans?
Our economy constitutes of labor and capital and they have been always exchanged in the medium of money under the system of capitalism.
Humans provide labor and our value is rooted in labor.
But then, we are facing the age of AI.
Experts claim that AI is our last invention because it will invent for us thereafter.
We are on the cusp of huge industrial transformation, the likes of which we have never experienced.
Back to my question; what is the value of humans when AI takes literally a whole sphere of occupations?
I hope we can figure out this problem.

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd0a-GrYW) · 2020/09/13(日) 21:42:57.28

第二外国語を学ぶメリットをカジュアルなスピーチを想定して書きました。こちらで最後です。
いずれかでいいので、よろしくお願いします。

Good morning!
Here is a random fun fact.
A good point of becoming a bilingual, probably the most notable one, is the fact that you are less likely to develop dementia.
This is because our brain is a web of information.
Your language and your second language are closely related each other, strengthening the whole memories in your brain.
Your second language helps your first language associate with other memories even more firmly, which slows down the deterioration of dementia effectively.
So let's learn it. Yes, mental workout!

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (JPW 0H8f-6NpD) · 2020/09/21(月) 14:25:51.71

自己課題英作文の添削依頼

Agree or disagree: Improving relations with other Asian nations should be a priority for the Japanese government

The U.N officially reports that Asian nations including China and India will be a global hub for economic activity in the coming decades.
It is clear that our Japanese government should prioritize fostering relationships with neighbor Asian countries.

There are three reasons to support this idea.
First, Asian countries will play a pivotal role in developing the cutting-edge technologies such as AI. Most of Asian countries are ready for this because they have many young, educated, people and many highly skilled positions open for them because of huge investment made from around the globe.

Second, the power balance between China and the U.S. is shifting to the degree of which western cultures' influence over Asia has shrinked to a minimum. Japan owned the fundation the U.S laid out for us but it is time we look to China for further advancement.

Third, our modern societies have somewhat greatly westernized to the point at which we don't know if we preserved any of our cultures flawlessly. Because Asian countries are arising as a next world leader, it is decent that we put our resources to rejuvenate our unique, eastern culture and echo them to the world.

In conclusion, Japan must improve relations with Asian countries, which should be dealt first. Although they will be or, some of them already are competitive enough to beat Japan economically, we should cooperate with our neighbors for better.

(236 words)

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (中止 Sd33-V3nP) · 2020/10/31(土) 13:08:04.37

英検1級の作文添削お願いします。

Can renewable energy sources replace fossil fuels?

Although renewable energies are much hyped as a better future alternative, they have already taken over a piece of the pie of our global primary energy.
However, whether renewables will totally replace fossil fuels remains to be seen.
There are three reasons to convince this idea.

First, renewable energies are not something we can exploit all day or everywhere because they are subject to environmental limitations such as climate, weather and geography.
Besides, batteries nowadays are still incapable of storing enough power we consume daily.
Thus, conventional energies are very likely to remain as secondary energy resources.

Second, currently technologies allow us to harness only a limited amount of natural energies because of the inefficiency of energy conversion.
Statistics show renewables account for only a few percent on world energy consumption as of 2020.
So to speak, there are many technological hurdles to outpace the growing demand of energy.

Third, renewable energies are clean and seemingly an ideal solution but the conflicts are emerging in the energy sector, especially of public domain.
The meltdown of Fukushima nuclear plants has casted a dark shadow on the ever-increasing national debt, resulting in trillions of Yens to recover the surrounding infrastructure and environment.
Therefore, Japan is forced to keep nuclear plants exclusively in order to protect the electronic company.

In conclusion, renewable energy sources cannot replace fossil fuels in the true sense. However, although renewables will not be a perfect alternative in the foreseeable future, we should definitely keep investing on those innovation in the hope that someday they will improve greatly.

2020/12/27(日) 21:05:43.49

test

2020/12/27(日) 21:33:26.29

>>117
convinceの目的語は人です

2021/02/04(木) 17:28:02.64

2021/02/04(木) 22:38:15.39

https://twitter.com/zisakuzienita/status/1349545649272832001

＞【英検1級・準1級】英作文を添削し合うスレ

このスレでGoogle翻訳の英文を英検一級試験時に書いたと偽って投稿した工作員は、さらに別キャラで次のようなレスを投稿

＞こ、これが1級レベルなのかorz
by準1級W15/16

こういうレスも全部自演英会話TOEIC
https://twitter.com/5chan_nel (5ch newer account)

2021/02/05(金) 22:16:17.65

2021/02/06(土) 16:39:42.50

>>117
However, whether renewables will totally replace fossil fuels remains to be seen.
There are three reasons to convince this idea.
⇒However, I think renewable energy source can replace fossil fuels for three reasons.
Whether ～remains to be seen の文が何を言っているかわかんなかったです。

2021/02/06(土) 16:49:30.11

>>117
そもそも、renewable energyが化石燃料に取ってかわるかというYes Noの質問に対し、あなたがどっちの立場かがはっきり理解できないです。
最後の結論ではNoと言ってますよね。私は結論を読んではじめてあなたの主張が理解できました。

2021/02/06(土) 22:41:06.41

2021/02/06(土) 23:31:28.57

fossil fuelなんて今後5年は出ないと思うぞ

2021/02/06(土) 23:38:18.33

>>117
全体的に名詞の単数（or無冠詞）/複数がおかしい点があるね
たとえばenergyはこの意味では絶対に複数にならない（複数の場合は具体的に精力を注ぐ努力みたいな意味）
定冠詞の扱いや固有名詞（たとえばyen)の扱いも変(yenは複数でもyenだし小文字）な点が多い
他にも英語としてイマイチ意味不明な文多数
後、論理関係もむちゃくちゃ
冒頭の第一文のalthoughなんてロジックとして意味不明でしょ
どちらかの意見を述べよと言ってるのにwhether renewables will totally replace fossil fuels remains to be seen. なんて不要
英語では冒頭に結論を書くのが一番スタンダードだから、重要度の高い順番の逆ピラミッド型の構成がいい
論理のおかしさを無視して添削しようと思ったけど、最後まで意見がどちらか不明でバカバカしくやる気をなくした
せっかくなので、先にあげた無意味な文whether renewables will totally replace fossil fuels remains to be seen. の添削だけする
まず、未来のことなのになぜtodayを使っているのか謎
この場合は主語はできれば短くして仮主語としてitを使う方がいい
このrenewables(renewable energy sources)の使い方は正しい
現代英語ではこの例のように形容詞を名詞化することはよくある（例corporate(s),financial(s)など)
まあIt remains to be seen whether renewables will fully replace fossil fuels.くらいになるでしょう
ただ、実際には100% renewablesに代替されることは絶対ないし、その必要もなく、この文には何の意味もない...

2021/02/15(月) 14:46:49.43

2021/02/15(月) 15:21:32.16

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sdb3-/4ZI) · 2021/05/29(土) 08:57:53.44

練習で作文した文を上げる。チェック済

Agree or Disagree: Globalization is a positive force in Today's world?

Globalization has been around for centuries. Silk road, colonialism and recent modernization are only a few of great examples where economies flourished, making the world more accessible.
There are three reasons why it's also a positive force in today's world.

Firstly, globalization opens up larger markets for many business sectors, encouraging larger-scale production, and stimulating competitions. As a result, products are not only better but cheaper. Some domestic companies may suffer but the profits of society as a whole outweigh this downside, such as job creations and increase in purchasing power.

Secondly, a consensus of scholarly work holds that globalization has alleviated extreme poverty, eliminating the people affected by half. That's nearly 1.5 billion people. Developed countries often complain that the wealth gap is widening but I think it's negligible if lifting 1.5 billion people out of extreme poverty.

Furthermore, our globalized economies heavily rely on each other because each country is specialized in what it can produce best.
If you look at the supply chains of high-tech products(e.g. autos and silicon chips), you'll see why raging wars is more difficult.

Lastly, globalization is a positive force in today's world and always will be. We become more interdependent so it is important to be knowledgeable about globalization. Setting trade tariffs to protect domestic firms is nonsense as it only aggravates our economic situation.

2021/05/29(土) 09:08:13.87

試験前日にぽっと上げたところで何したいのって感じ

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sdb3-/4ZI) · 2021/05/29(土) 09:10:36.26

2次想定。チェック済。

Will Mars colonization ever be a real thing?

The CEO of SpaceX, Elon Mask has announced that humanity will take a first step on Mars in this decade. He also revealed his Mars colonization vison which he claims is feasible within this century. However, I have to disagree that Mars colonization will never happen.

First, humans are living organism that originated from Mother Earth, and not Mars. Thus, we are not physically designed to live in such a harsh environment. Even with the support of current technologies, everyone would feel uncomfortable or nostalgic during their long-term settlement.

Second, just like Apollo missions back in 60's, Mars colonization is all the craze now. The rich are willing to pay a lot of cash to be part of this great endeavor but after a while, it will fade away. You see, running a city like New York in space annually would cost billions of dollars. How do you finance the budget during an economic depression?

In conclusion, Mars colonization will not be feasible in the foreseeable future. Instead of wasting our time and money, we should rather focus on solving more impending issues like global warming. This way, we can secure the Earth for our future generations.

2021/05/30(日) 20:04:05.67

書き込み屋さん自演ご苦労さまです
もう世間にばれてます
転職しましょう

2021/06/27(日) 08:11:27.17

最初の段落だけ見てみた

Elon Musk
Elon Musk,
vision
vision,
I have to disagree with Musk’s idea.

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd5f-9sl2) · 2021/06/28(月) 02:05:14.08

>>134
ありがとうございます
また、よろしくお願いします

2021/06/28(月) 16:25:38.05

>>132
これ二次の面接想定か（スルーしてた）

第二段落
in a harsh environment.
settlement on Mars.

第三段落
the Apollo missions
the 60's
nothing but a craze
endeavor,
You see 以下、書き直し（いきなりNY の街を火星上で運用するとか唐突）

第四段落
wasting our money and time on Mars,
kick out として英検ではこういうの許容されてるってのは知っているけど、
本来なら地球温暖化とか主論「火星移住化計画は実現しない」に直接関連せず、新しいアイディアを結論に持ってきてはいけない

あと、どこかでinvest を使おう

2021/06/28(月) 16:28:07.79

>>136
wasting our time and money on Mars, でいい
語順入れ替える必要はないが、on Mars は入れた方がいい

**名無しさん＠英語勉強中** (ｽﾌｯ Sd5f-cKTm) · 2021/06/28(月) 17:49:14.38

>>136
助かります！
また、よろしくお願いします！

2021/12/27(月) 07:32:53.64

クソ寒いからかPCの調子が悪い

2022/01/25(火) 17:08:04.83

今回準1級どうでした？　難しいしなかなか書けなかったです